Bitch-O-Scope Horoscopes - January 2011

by NASA Goddard Photo and Video
Bitch-O-Scope Horoscopes - January 2011
Article by Bitching Blaze

Bitch-O-Scope Horoscopes - January 2011 - Entertainment - Humor












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Capricorn January 2011Mom and Dad will be announcing their divorce on January 4th, because Mom moved in with her new wrestler boyfriend. And on January 7th, Dad will be arrested for manufacturing methamphetamine. On January 12th, you will make a visit to the adoption agency, and on the 13th, they will let you bring your new parents home. Your new parents turn out to be too much trouble (what, with all the house training!), so you return them for a partial refund on January 20th.Aquarius January 2011You will meet this really hot Libra on January 4th, and by the 7th, they will have spent all of your lottery winnings and moved on to a Sagittarius. Then, your Gemini ex will break into your home and steal your collection of beanie bears on January 10th. The cops will arrest your ex on January 12th, and on January 17th that Libra will get arrested running naked through a grocery store. And, they said those little dolls and pins wouldn't work. (wink)Pisces January 2011A Taurus coworker will be inviting you to the party of the century on January 4th, and there you will experience love at first sight. She has long hair and beautiful, round, brown eyes. She is a 3 year old border collie named Molly. And, the funny thing is... that Taurus won't even notice that the dog is missing. Start saving your money, because there is going to be a big ass Groundhog's Day party at Sturgis. Molly just loves chasing Groundhogs!Aries January 2011Run, run, run little Aries. Most of this month I see you running and running. Then on January 22nd you will reach your final destination. Yes... Its the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Too bad that rainbow had to land on Karma's outhouse. Don't forget to bring a shovel.Taurus January 2011Your Solar Eclipse party on January 4th is going to be THE party of the year! The whole town is going to show up, even a few celebrities. And... they will all have their cell phones handy when you decide to jump in the pool naked. Mom will see the pictures on Facebook on the 13th, and you will be checking back into rehab on the 18th. Dad will come and visit on the 23rd, and the electro-shock therapy will begin on the 31st. But... it really was a GREAT party!Gemini January 2011Get out the "I'm sorry" t-shirt, because you will be spending the first 16 days of this month making amends for ALL the fun you had last month. Your EPT test will come up positive January 16th, but you will find out on the 17th that it was just a false alarm. That tea that Karma gave you for Christmas was

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